I’m feeling like I’ve really found myself since my daughter came along and completed our little family. I’ve finally found that inner peace and happiness. I know who I am and who I’m not so it’s time to stop being something I’m not…
I’m not a green eco-warrior mama.
Cloth nappies piss me right off! I tried to like them, I really did. As if the extra washing load isn’t enough, they leak onto my kids clothes and create an even bigger washing pile. (I’m pretty sure I’m paying for in electric what I’m saving on disposables). They’re a bloody faff to dry and stuff and if you have super pee-ers like my two, you’re going to get through around 15 cloth nappies everyday. SOD. THAT.
I don’t recycle everything but I recycle what I can. And I do love my ecover washing up liquid.
I’m not as crunchy as I like to think.
I didn’t eat my placenta. Our food and our clothes aren’t organic. We definitely don’t cloth bum (anymore). I have never made kale chips. I use shop-bought cleaning products. My children will go to private school. We vaccinate. We don’t live in a yurt or have a chicken coop.
However… I did have a natural home birth with my second, I EBF (exclusively breastfeed) my daughter and also breastfed my son until he self-weaned at 19 months. We’re big advocates of babywearing, baby-led weaning, co-sleeping and attachment parenting techniques. We also love coconut oil – magical stuff.
The opposite of ‘crunchy’ is ‘silky’ (also nicknamed the ‘modern mother’). I’m a combination of the two… I’m ‘scrunchy’.
I’m not just a mum.
I got stuck in the rut of being just a mum. I’d forgotten that there is more to life. I’d forgotten that I was a girlfriend. (Put a ring on my finger already!). I’d stopped putting the effort into my appearance. I no longer wore makeup or spent time doing my hair. I can’t even remember the last time I shaved my legs.
I’d forgotten how to do everything. Being a mum was all I knew. I imaged a future where I would pop out kid after kid and have a baby attached to me at all times. I told everyone that I wanted a big family (we’re talking like, five or six children). But when Delilah arrived, we knew that was it.
And I cried. A lot.
I had not mentally prepared myself. She was my last baby. I’d never grow or birth another.
Once I’d had a good cry (or two), I got my hair restyled, plucked my eyebrows, shaved my legs, put on my mascara and I began to re-envision my future and look at the pros of having two children. My son and daughter would get the very best. We would be able to go on more family holidays with just the four of us, and I would be the fun mum that would join in with all the activities (without always being pregnant or having a baby attached to me).
I’m looking even further into the future now, when our children are all grown up and left home and it’s just Ryan and myself once again…
And I look forward to beginning that part of my life too. I look forward to it all.